Conversation With An Imaginary Publisher



   Look, look. Before you say anything: I'm bored. Plus, I have a shit ton of questions I'd like to ask a publisher. The questions are present, but the publisher... not so much. So I made one up, like normal people do. And you know what? I stand by my decision.

Until, of course, I realize I want to get published one day. 

 Anyway, I don't like to keep my imaginary friends waiting, so here I go:

Me: So, Mr. Publisher-

P: Please, call me Mr. Big Shots. 

Me: Big shots? Seriously?

P: *puts on shades* Most certainly. 

Me: Aiight, big shots. Now first thing first.. you know some of the things that publishers do can frustrate us readers, right? 

P: I don't know what you're talking about.

Me:  Oh really? How about publication dates, Mr. Big Shots? Huh? How about that? Why do you raise our hopes for a close publication date, and then BAM push it backwards? 

P: I can promise you we don't do that for entertainment. We do it for... *dramatic pause*... energy. 

Me: huh?

P: Of course! The cries of readers all around the globe as they realize the date has been pushed back is what fuels our printing machines. Source of renewable energy, and what not, you know? 

Me: Well.. I guess that makes sense... hmm.. OH, OK! What about the pretty covers with the terrible content? That is an act of deception, Mr. Big Shot.

P: Is it really?

Me: Yaha!!

P: *straightens back* Na..ha. Look at this way, Ms.Blogger: You're bound to come across bad books one point or another in your life.. you might as well be compensated with a pretty cover. 

Me: Oh.. well, that also makes sense. Wow, you're good.

P: Ready to announce your defeat?

Me: Yeah, I gu-- NO WAIT!! What do you have to say about all the twilight replicas out there? Wasn't one enough?

P: Well, that's a tough one. 

Me: You bet it is. 

P: Ummmm.. well... no wait, I got it. They *pulls out sunglasses* make *opens sunglasses* money *puts on sunglasses*.

Me: Damn!

Well, this one ends 3 for Mr. Big Shot, and 0 for me. It's not over though! I need your help to bring that asshole down. What are some questions you'd like to ask a publisher?  


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