This is a new feature on I Read and Tell where I basically crush your dreams and ruin books for you. You don't have to thank me.

P.S: This post contains major spoilers for The Hunger Games.

The last remaining victors stand in front of the cornucopia, each with an equal dream of going home to distrcit 12. To their families. To start a new life.

"We've made it, Katniss," Peeta said. He couldn't believe the words he was saying.

"Umm.. yeah about that.." Seneca Crane's voice echoes through the arena. "We kinda changed our mind. We can only have one victor. Gotcha! So Peeta, and Katniss, you must decide which one wins."

Peeta falls to his knees at the news, while Katniss looks ahead in disbelief. "Wait a second," she says. "Your name is Peeta?"

He narrows his eyes at her. "Yeah, Katniss. I thought you already knew that."

"No," she says. "I thought your name was Peter, and everyone else was just putting on a pretentious British accent."

"Well, that's not the point now, Katniss. We have more important things-"

"And you're a baker! Get it? Peeta? Peeta bread? This is hilarious."

"Goddamit, can you just focus for a second here? Our lives are at stake," he said, starting to loose his temper. "Oh, and you're one to talk Katniss."

She put up a hand. "No, I'm gonna stop you right there. If I tell my mother I'm bringing Peeta over, she'll set the dinner table."

Up ahead, they could hear Seneca laughing. In the meantime, Katniss was thinking of a way to get out of this.  Of a way they could both get out of this. So they could go home, and continue living out their fake romance.

Peeta & Katniss.  Oh, god their names were terrible together.

And so a plan was born.

"Alright," she said, taking his hand in his. "They need a victor, so I say we kill ourselves with those nightlock berries."

"Umm, that's not gonna work," Seneca Crane said. "What kind of idiot  gets killed by berries?"

"We'll see about that," Katniss said. "On the count of three?" She tightened her grip on Peeta's hand, readying herself for the leap of faith they were both taking.

"One," she said. Sweat was starting to form on both of their foreheads.

"Two," Peeta said, his hands starting to shake.

"Three," Katniss said.

Silence took over the arena, as Peeta popped the berried.

Katniss didn't.

When he realized what she did, his eyes dropped with disappointment  As the poison started coursing through his veins, Peeta said, "What the hell, Katniss?"

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's just that.. you're name is Peeta. I've always wanted to name my child Cripsy. But Crispy Peeta? Do you know how bad that kid is gonna get bullied? I just.. I can't do it."

Peeta fell to the ground, and between faint breath, he said, "There is.. no.. such thing as.. crispy peeta." His words were cut short by a fit of coughs. "Only stale."

"Oh," Katniss said.

"Well, I guess that makes  Katniss Everdeen of District 12 our new victor," Seneca Crane said.

A hovercraft descended, and Katniss started walking towards it. She lifted her hands up, snapping her fingers. "Hit it, Seneca."

"Hit what?"

She sighed. "The song.. goddamit."

"Oh.. right.. right," he said, and with the press of a button, every invisible speaker in the arena was broadcasting one song: Who Let The Dogs Out.

Looking at the last camera before she ascended the hovercraft, Katniss bobbed her head while saying, "Who? Who? Who?"

The End

Let's all take a deep breath, aiight?

So, I understand the title of this post is overly dramatic, but .. I've been waiting for soo long to write this, so..


I don't usually do personal posts like these, where I update you guys on my life, because let's face it: Unless I adopt a unicorn-dragon hybrid, chances are it's not interesting enough to post.

But since that is not going to happen in the near future, my plan B was to make a dedicated post once I finish my book.

So yes, I JUST FINISHED MY BOOK! 

   

Some of you know I was already writing one. I started working on the book mid-July, although if we're being precise, I've been brainstorming for almost six months now, if not more. There was a lot of writing and rewriting.. and then some more rewriting. I would start a project, and then 14000 words in, I would give up, and start all over again. This had to do a lot with my indecisiveness. Then, summer came along, and I finally had enough time, and I put my head to it. On average, I wrote about 2K a day, which is not so bad if you think about it.  Three months and 93K words later, I was done.

(This is an actual snapshot of the book). 

So what now? 


Well, I don't exactly know. I think the best course of action is to start editing the hell out of it, and while I'm at it, contact a few agents and publishers.  I'll also start looking for beta readers. I've never had any real feedback on my writing (except the ones I share here, which most of you have been awesome about), so this is nerve wrecking.

So I'm going with traditional publishing?

Again, I haven't made up my mind. I've always wanted to go with self publishing, because I figured it would be more fun and I'd have more control over my book, but I'm leaving that as a last resort. I think I'm going to spend the first month or so editing and querying, and submitting.


OK, dumbass, we still don't know what you're book is about.. 


Sheesh, interviewer-me is harsh, yo. So first thing first:, the title of the book: Andalus. This is the name of the city through which most of the events take place. Category wise, it's High Fantasy (medieval).

The title of the book is subject to change, because even though Andalus is purely fictional, Andalusia is not.  Andalus is the Arabic derivative of it, and it was used to address Spain, Portugal, and southern France in medieval times, and along with Ferdaws (heaven), it's one of my favourite Arabic names ever.

I wish I could write a synopsis for the book, but I genuinely suck at those. Big time.

Final words before we pull the plug on you? 

Wait, why are you going to pull the plug? This is MY blog.

You're wasting valuable time.. 

OK, ok fine. I want to thank you awesome people who read my blog, because frankly, without your thoughtful comments, and your general encouragement, I would have never done this.

If any of you have questions or advice, throw'em at me.

I'll leave you with a gif of Chris Hemsworth, because that is how much I love ya'll.

So I have written and rewritten this post several times before I could settle on something . This is because a) I have a hard time being serious about.. well anything, really. And b) this is a sensitive subject. You see, for me, feminism isn't about telling women what they can and can't do. It's about giving them a choice. A woman wants to cover herself up? Good for her. It's her body. A woman doesn't want to? Again, good for her.

But that's where this post became tricky. At first, I wanted to address things that I  think are sexist in YA, but then again, who am I to label them as such?  You see, in any way you look at it, there's no objectivity here. I'll try to be as unbiased as I can, and give you a piece of my mind.


The Bella Swan Shaming, 

This is the best name I could come up with, kaaay? So first thing first: Bella Swan... there's no denying that as far as role models go, she isn't one of the best. She is dependent, needy, insecure, and obsessive.

But you know what? Bella Swan is also real.

There are Bella Swans out there.They are normal people, just like you and I.  You see, my problem with Twilight is that her behavior, her relationship with Edward was perceived in a positive light. Stalking was romanticized, and so was obsessiveness. This is my only problem with Twilight. It set out an example for teenage girls like myself that this is the real deal. This is romantic. Woppidy fucking do.

But in all honesty, having Bella Swans and Edward Collins in books isn't wrong. Hell, even writing a misogynistic, racist character isn't wrong. What is wrong is portraying them in a positive light, or at the very least, not acknowledging that flaw. That is why I'm against the Bella Swan Shaming. I mean don't get me wrong, I love reading about strong female leads, but the weaker ones shouldn't be put down just because. There is no right or wrong female protagonist, it all depends on the writing.

The Attractive Enemy, 

This is the reason I don't read high school YA books. OK, so here's the scenario, our MC is a plain Jane (nothing wrong with that), who goes into a new school. She likes a guy, who is with the hot blonde cheerleader.

You probably know what happens next, the cheerleader becomes the enemy. And for good measure, the cheerleader is a complete and utter bitch, to give reason for our MC to swoop in on the guy.

How many times have you read or watch a scenario like this?

Part of this has to do with slut shaming, which is a whole other topic in on itself, but the way I see it, portraying another female as a bitch just because she has self confidence, and *gasp* like to dress up is as equally sexist. Because really, most of the time, the only hint as to the why this girl is the enemy is her looks and her behavior  which in most cases, isn't even directed at our MC.


There are more examples I wanted to discuss today, especially sexism against male characters. Till next time ;) 

You guys liked it the first time, so I thought Round Two was in order! Let's begin the fun..




Would you rather have your entire book collection terribly ruined, or give them away to your biggest enemy in perfect condition?

This is tough. Like really. I'm the kind of person who can't handle a dog ear.
 What the hell am I supposed to do with a terribly ruined book collection?
 But then again, ain't now way I'm giving my babies to my biggest enemy. They stay with me.

Would you rather give away your reading ability (forever) for a supernatural one? 

No way. I mean, there are certain temptations, like, teleportation,but no. Life is tough without reading. And I wouldn't be able to write.

Naaah, it's too hard.


Would you rather have a friend that spoils every book/movie for you, or one that points out every plot hole? 


The plot hole asshole, I have to say. I mean, I don't mind someone pointing the flaws of a book or movie. I do it myself all the time. Someone spoiling them, on the other hand, will be in danger.

Would you rather have all  books in the world be in your favorite genre, or anything but?
Seeing as my favorite genre is fantasy, I'll have to go with the first choice. Because fantasy includes a whoooole lot of sub genres, so I'll never get bored.

______________________________________

I want to know your answers! Let me know in the comments, or on your blog (be sure to leave me a link to your post). 

This is a new feature on I Read and Tell where I basically crush your dreams and ruin books for you. You don't have to thank me.

P.S: This post contains major spoilers for The Harry Potter series.

You might think you know how Harry Potter ends. Well, you sir, couldn't be more wrong. This is the alternate ending that yours truly J.K Rowling initially had in mind. I picked it right up from her personal desk. Yup, we're that close. 

So Harry is battling Voldemort outside in the Hogwarts courtyard. Shiny ass CGI laser is everywhere, and Harry is having a hard time holding the fight. Is he going to give up? Is he?

That's when something catches his eyes.

It's only a flicker of black ink on his opponent's body, but he'll be damned if it didn't look good.

"Voldy," he says, over the noise of the ongoing battle. The super villain is too immersed in the fight. He can't hear him.

"Voldy!"

This time, it caught his attention. Reluctantly, Voldy took a chance to look over at the  boy with the scar. The boy who lived. Or whatever.

"What? Can't you see we're in the middle of something, you dumbass?" Voldy said, the m's coming out as b's because you know.. the nose thingy.

"Look, I may or may not kill you, but before this ends, I have to ask you a question," Harry said. Tension filled the air. This was a life or death situation. "Where did you get that tattoo, cause my god! It's fabulous!"

Voldemort froze. Tears started to well up in his eyes. For two years now, he's been wearing this tattoo, and none of the Death Eaters had paid attention. No one. He even came close to wearing a low top so it would catch their attention, but no.. every one's eyes went straight to his nose. His goddamned nose.

Until now.

He was flattered, that much was clear. "You noticed it," he said, his voice barely audible.

"Ofcourse I did, Voldy," Harry said. Slowly, each lowered their wands. "It looks.. oh my god."

In the span of a second, Harry closed the distance between them, getting a better look at the tattoo. It was simple,really. A number and a letter.

But it would change their lives for ever.

"Is that what I think it is?" Harry said, awe taking over him.

Voldy was in tears. "Are you.."

"Yes, I am," Harry said, looking at the 1D tattoo on his former enemy's neck. "I'm a directioner."

"Oh em gee," Voldy said.

"Double oh em gee," Harry said. They embraced quickly, trying to keep their fangirl feels at bay.

As they hugged, their wands laid discarded on the ground beneath them. Then, Voldemort whispered in Harry's ear, "If you come near Harry Styles, I will split you in half."

__________________________________________


EPILOGUE:


All over the world, people are wondering who is the brilliant writer behind those 1D fanficitons. But what muggles don't know is, it's not just one writer, but two. After the gruesome Battle of Hogwarts, Voldemort and Harry will start writing fan fiction together, with evil Voldy eventually coming to the idea of monetizing fan fiction *cough* Amazon *cough*. They even get to meet the boys, and do a collaboration with them. It was called: What Makes You Beautiful? Poly Juice Potion.

All was well. 

Did you like this? Suggest what book I should ruin next. Till next week, lovelies ;) 

I already did the Types of Villains, and the Types of Readers. If you haven't realized by now, I like categorizing things, goddamit. But what about those majestic beings that call themselves writers? Don't they deserve to be categorized as well? No, I'm not gonna wait for you to answer that, I'm gonna start categorizing them all by myself. According to their supernatural ability. 

The Feel Kicker, 
Similar to an ass kicker, just way, way more cruel. If it's not obvious from the name, the Feel Kicker elicits the feels. Exactly what feels are, I'm not sure. The story doesn't have to be necessarily sad, it's just.. emotional.

Usually, I have a love-cry relationship with the Feel Kickers.

My feel kicker: Melina Merchetta.


The Boyfriend Maker, 
Yes, authors make boyfriends. Literary ones, but boyfriends nonetheless!! They create the perfect guy that, once the book is closed, you try to bring him to real life. Good news is, if you succeed, wohoo! Boyfriend! Bad news is, if you succeed, you're nuts.


My Boyfriend Maker: Laini Taylor. (Akiva is sitting right next to me as I write this).


The Killer, 
Some authors just want to watch the world burn. They're murderers. In my opinion, that is. COLD BLOODED MURDERERS. Oh, it's a main character that will never die, you say? WRONG. They're dead. Everything is ruined. Your literary friend is gone, and now you're all alone.

My Literary Killer: George R. R. Martin and J.K Rowling. Notice the initials? That's how you tell a serial killer.


The Sleeper, 
Can't get sleep? Well, some authors have the ability to tuck you right back into bed. As you're probably guessing, that's not a good thing. Only a boring book could bring you to sleep. Both a win and a loss.

My Sleeper: Megan Whalen Turner. Hold off the tomatoes! She's a very good writer, but I came close to sleeping more than once while reading The Thief.


Whose your feel kicker, boyfriend maker,killer and sleeper?! Let me know. 

Links: Goodreads 

Rating:

  Death scares me.

Not in the occasional fleeting kind of way, but the sleep loss, anxiety attacks skind. Most people get over that fear, or stop thinking about it somewhere in their preteen years. You just make peace with the fact that one day, you're going to die.

I don't.

It wouldn't be exaggerating if I told you that at all times, the thought of death is lingering somewhere in the back of my mind. So I do what I find is comforting the most:  I read or write about what irks me. And I read this book, one that is narrated by death itself. I didn't do it to punish myself, I did it because reading heals. You read about something for so long, and it becomes a norm, and I'll be damned if this book wasn't healing. Not only is it bizarre to read a book from Death's point of few, but it was entertaining. Death had that dark sense of humor to him. You'll laugh and cry at the same time because of it.

I don't want to talk about the actual book. If you haven't read it, I want you to go in blind, just like I did. On the first few pages, you'll know this book is different. By the first few chapters, you'll become immersed in the novel, and as you read the last chapter (tissues will be involved, take my word on that), you'll know this is a book that will stay with you for a long time.

Final Words: If you can read this sentence, read that book. Right now, it sits among my All time Favourite shelf, with only ONE other book to keep it company. That's how much I loved it.

Have you read the book? Then let's discuss the hell out of it.

P.S: DO NOT click the button below if you haven't read the book. It might get spoilery. Also, be sure to mention it if there's a spoiler in your comment. 

Did you cry? Which character where you most devastated over their death? 

 Good God, I wept. I reached a point where I didn't care if anyone was around me, I...just.. wept.

I think most people would go with Rudy, but for me it was Hans. I think the death I would have been torn apart over would've been Max's. Serious damage might have happened to the book if that was the case.

What did you think of the ending? 

I genuinely think that was the most thoughtful of all endings ever. Humans haunt me. Ugh.. I just... that's right in the feels.


Do you think Max and Liesel ended up married? And what did you think of that?
OK, I had to Google this right after I read the last words, and there is a hint they got married. If you're being hopeful, that is.

Page 544:  "In her last visions, she saw her three children, her grandchildren, her husband, and the long list of lives that merged with hers. Among them, like lit lanterns were Hans, Rosa, her brother, and the boy whose hair remained the color of lemons forever." 

Max was a HUGE part of Liesel's childhood, and no way she couldn't have seen him in her last moments of life. There is, however, a mention of a husband, which makes me guess that he is the one.

Subtle hint, that could or could not be true. I choose to believe it is.