Alternate & Terrible Ending To: The Hunger Games

This is a new feature on I Read and Tell where I basically crush your dreams and ruin books for you. You don't have to thank me.

P.S: This post contains major spoilers for The Hunger Games.

The last remaining victors stand in front of the cornucopia, each with an equal dream of going home to distrcit 12. To their families. To start a new life.

"We've made it, Katniss," Peeta said. He couldn't believe the words he was saying.

"Umm.. yeah about that.." Seneca Crane's voice echoes through the arena. "We kinda changed our mind. We can only have one victor. Gotcha! So Peeta, and Katniss, you must decide which one wins."

Peeta falls to his knees at the news, while Katniss looks ahead in disbelief. "Wait a second," she says. "Your name is Peeta?"

He narrows his eyes at her. "Yeah, Katniss. I thought you already knew that."

"No," she says. "I thought your name was Peter, and everyone else was just putting on a pretentious British accent."

"Well, that's not the point now, Katniss. We have more important things-"

"And you're a baker! Get it? Peeta? Peeta bread? This is hilarious."

"Goddamit, can you just focus for a second here? Our lives are at stake," he said, starting to loose his temper. "Oh, and you're one to talk Katniss."

She put up a hand. "No, I'm gonna stop you right there. If I tell my mother I'm bringing Peeta over, she'll set the dinner table."

Up ahead, they could hear Seneca laughing. In the meantime, Katniss was thinking of a way to get out of this.  Of a way they could both get out of this. So they could go home, and continue living out their fake romance.

Peeta & Katniss.  Oh, god their names were terrible together.

And so a plan was born.

"Alright," she said, taking his hand in his. "They need a victor, so I say we kill ourselves with those nightlock berries."

"Umm, that's not gonna work," Seneca Crane said. "What kind of idiot  gets killed by berries?"

"We'll see about that," Katniss said. "On the count of three?" She tightened her grip on Peeta's hand, readying herself for the leap of faith they were both taking.

"One," she said. Sweat was starting to form on both of their foreheads.

"Two," Peeta said, his hands starting to shake.

"Three," Katniss said.

Silence took over the arena, as Peeta popped the berried.

Katniss didn't.

When he realized what she did, his eyes dropped with disappointment  As the poison started coursing through his veins, Peeta said, "What the hell, Katniss?"

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's just that.. you're name is Peeta. I've always wanted to name my child Cripsy. But Crispy Peeta? Do you know how bad that kid is gonna get bullied? I just.. I can't do it."

Peeta fell to the ground, and between faint breath, he said, "There is.. no.. such thing as.. crispy peeta." His words were cut short by a fit of coughs. "Only stale."

"Oh," Katniss said.

"Well, I guess that makes  Katniss Everdeen of District 12 our new victor," Seneca Crane said.

A hovercraft descended, and Katniss started walking towards it. She lifted her hands up, snapping her fingers. "Hit it, Seneca."

"Hit what?"

She sighed. "The song.. goddamit."

"Oh.. right.. right," he said, and with the press of a button, every invisible speaker in the arena was broadcasting one song: Who Let The Dogs Out.

Looking at the last camera before she ascended the hovercraft, Katniss bobbed her head while saying, "Who? Who? Who?"

The End