Look, look. Before you say anything: I'm bored. Plus, I have a shit ton of questions I'd like to ask a publisher. The questions are present, but the publisher... not so much. So I made one up, like normal people do. And you know what? I stand by my decision.
Until, of course, I realize I want to get published one day.
P: *puts on shades* Most certainly.
Well, this one ends 3 for Mr. Big Shot, and 0 for me. It's not over though! I need your help to bring that asshole down. What are some questions you'd like to ask a publisher?
Until, of course, I realize I want to get published one day.
Anyway, I don't like to keep my imaginary friends waiting, so here I go:
Me: So, Mr. Publisher-
P: Please, call me Mr. Big Shots.
Me: So, Mr. Publisher-
P: Please, call me Mr. Big Shots.
Me: Big shots? Seriously?
P: *puts on shades* Most certainly.
Me: Aiight, big shots. Now first thing first.. you know some of the things that publishers do can frustrate us readers, right?
P: I don't know what you're talking about.
Me: Oh really? How about publication dates, Mr. Big Shots? Huh? How about that? Why do you raise our hopes for a close publication date, and then BAM push it backwards?
Me: Oh really? How about publication dates, Mr. Big Shots? Huh? How about that? Why do you raise our hopes for a close publication date, and then BAM push it backwards?
P: I can promise you we don't do that for entertainment. We do it for... *dramatic pause*... energy.
Me: huh?
P: Of course! The cries of readers all around the globe as they realize the date has been pushed back is what fuels our printing machines. Source of renewable energy, and what not, you know?
Me: Well.. I guess that makes sense... hmm.. OH, OK! What about the pretty covers with the terrible content? That is an act of deception, Mr. Big Shot.
P: Is it really?
Me: Yaha!!
P: *straightens back* Na..ha. Look at this way, Ms.Blogger: You're bound to come across bad books one point or another in your life.. you might as well be compensated with a pretty cover.
P: Is it really?
Me: Yaha!!
P: *straightens back* Na..ha. Look at this way, Ms.Blogger: You're bound to come across bad books one point or another in your life.. you might as well be compensated with a pretty cover.
Me: Oh.. well, that also makes sense. Wow, you're good.
P: Ready to announce your defeat?
Me: Yeah, I gu-- NO WAIT!! What do you have to say about all the twilight replicas out there? Wasn't one enough?
P: Well, that's a tough one.
P: Ready to announce your defeat?
Me: Yeah, I gu-- NO WAIT!! What do you have to say about all the twilight replicas out there? Wasn't one enough?
P: Well, that's a tough one.
Me: You bet it is.
P: Ummmm.. well... no wait, I got it. They *pulls out sunglasses* make *opens sunglasses* money *puts on sunglasses*.
Me: Damn!
Me: Damn!
Mr. Big Shot needs to let some air out of his big head! I'd totally love to know how publishers feel about acknowledgement pages, are they an honour or just a waste of printing space?!
ReplyDeleteI know, right?! I guess that's why he's called Mr. Big Shot. And that's a very good question! Betcha Mr. Big Shot will have a sassy answer to that :P
ReplyDeleteREEM. *wheezes from laughter* You should grow up and become a comedian. A writer who writes comedies. YOUR FILMS/BOOKS WOULD BE SO AWESOME THE WORLD WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO TAKE IT. I loved this convo! Though, ew, if all publishers were arrogant schmucks like that, then I'm not sure I want to be published the traditional way anymore... ;) I have to admit that those are some kickass explanations, though.
ReplyDeleteAnd we must fight to the death! Ask him why pubs continue to use blurbs that almost always have "Fans of [insert book title here] will love this," when it obviously doesn't work. Worse still, it annoys the crap out of readers. Ha! See if he can answer to THAT. *smug*
"So I made one up, like normal people do." <--- Pssst, Reem. I am not quite sure this is what normal people do. I mean, you can do it. But I'm not sure I'd classify you as normal. O.o
ReplyDeleteThat being said, as a future publisher, I find this very helpful. Now I know how to answer these tough questions. All that's left is for me to buy a pair of sunglasses for full effect. Thank you Mr. Big Shot!
Hmm... questions I'd like to ask?
ReplyDelete1. WHY DO YOU KEEP COMPARING SHITTY BOOKS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE HUNGER GAMES TO THE HUNGER GAMES? It's insane.
2. WHY DO YOU KEEP COMPARING GOOD BOOKS TO TWILIGHT? Do you have any idea how many people skip them because they don't want to read more Twi-like crap?
3. WHY IS "INSTA-LOVE" BEING CALLED "EPIC LOVE STORY"? It's infuriating.
P.S.: I may come off as angry and out of control, but I'm frighteningly calm right now. Fo' realzzzz.
DAMMIT! Really, Reem?! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! This is one post that made this day very colorful. Can I have an appointment with Mr. Big Shots so I can bombard him with bitter and angry questions?
ReplyDeleteHey you, Mr. Big Shot, why are you being biased to international bloggers?
Why do you always make things difficult for us? Why do you have to keep saying that this book and that is the next Harry Potter? Why do you have to publicize authors as the next JK Rowling? Why do you have to keep our hopes up only to be disappointed more than ever? Don't you know that you are ruining our lives by making us hope for something that wouldn't come. Hahahaah. Bring it on, Mr. Big Shot! This is a fight to the death.
OMG! This makes me want to write a whole parchment of question for Mr. Big Shot. I will not back down. We're here for you Reem. Give this guy a run for his money.
Will there be a second part of this convo? PLEASE SAY YES OR.......
Why, ofcourse you can! Mr. Bigshot is available for the public ;) :P
ReplyDeleteYES! That's a very good question. No way he'll be able to wheezle his way out of that. The wrath of international bloggers shall follow him.
YESS!! Ofcourse there will be. Mr. Bigshot is going down.
Heyy!! I have a better question: WHY DID YOU PUBLISH TWILIGHT?! What were you thinking?!
ReplyDeleteThat should solve it, amirite?!
What?! What are talking about?! That's like normal behavior 101. Pfft, what do you know?
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, ms. future big shot, this should be your agenda. You should totally get the sunglasses too.
What?! What are talking about?! That's like normal behavior 101. Pfft, what do you know?
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, ms. future big shot, this should be your agenda. You should totally get the sunglasses too.
Or, I can be a an evil standup comedian who makes people faint out of laughter.
ReplyDeleteEither can work really.
Oh, and your comments are the sweetest Meg <33 and YES I will ask him that, and I can assure you he'll have a snappy answer :P
This is a great interview! I second Meg's question: "why pubs continue to use blurbs that almost always have "Fans of [insert
ReplyDeletebook title here] will love this," when it obviously doesn't work."
Ahhh!! This is soooo funny and I hope that publishers aren't actually like that though....hehe!! I hope you do more things like this!! I would love to see :)
ReplyDelete